How do I know if I'm having an episode?
by Robin Mohilner
Answer the following questions either for yourself
or post your answers and help others:
To Submit:
How are you sleeping?
Do you have a hard time falling asleep?
Occasionally
Do you wake up in the middle of the night and
toss and turn for what feels like forever?
Are you tired, but can't sleep?
Are you waking up at the early hours of the morning
and can't get back to sleep?
How are you taking care of yourself?
Do you eat?
A bit here and there.
How much are you eating?
About one normal meal/day, and I pick at a snack later in the day
Do you remember to eat?
Not always. There have been a couple times where Ive forgotten for a day or two and only realized when I feel lightheaded and dizzy, or Ive put the idea of food out of my mind because my stomachs telling me Ill be sick if I eat.
Are you showering?
For the most part. It helps relax me for sleep. There have been a couple instances lately where Ive just felt so much like a zombie that I havent cared to shower or even change my clothes for 2-3 days.
Do you remember to shower?
Usually.
Do you forget to go to bed?
No
If you made an important decision right now, what would it be?
To sleep for 10 days straight.
If you were to make a decision right now, would it be well thought out?
If it involved sleep.
Who would you consult to make a decision?
I wouldnt.
How would you make the decision?
Most of my decisions lately have been centered around comfort, and not being around people. I feel terrible, because Im blowing off the classes Im paying so much money for, and right when my office needs me. I can barely function.
How are you feeling right now?
Drowning.
What are you feeling about yourself and your abilities?
Fruitless.
What do you believe about yourself?
I cant even manage to think that far.
Do you have any special abilities that are new to you?
Are these thoughts and feelings different from
how you felt last week or a few weeks ago?
What do you notice that's different?
Are you feeling anything?
What are your thoughts like?
Very confusing. I randomly erupt in hysterical sobs multiple times a day, but cant actually interact with anyone, because I want to strangle or set fire to everyone I come into contact, particularly my coworkers
What are they about?
Do you usually think about what you're thinking about?
Never. Ive never had violent thoughts, beyond wanting to hurl a shoe at a friend or family member when Im irritated. I can be cranky and moody naturally, but irritation never lasts more than a few minutes.
How are they moving?
Barely.
If they're moving fast, how fast?
If they're moving slow, how slow?
I can just about focus enough energy to be concerned with some of my tasks at work. Beyond that, my head may as well be a soundproof room.
Do they exist at all?
Are there multiple thoughts occuring at once?
What's it like trying to express yourself?
I dont really bother right now.
How's your ability to concentrate?
It makes me want to cry.
How's your ability to remember?
Not much different than usual.
How are people responding to what you say?
Theyre starting to ignore me, which suits me just fine.
Are you able to have any thoughts?
What are you interested in?
Sleeping.
Do you have a goal?
I want to finish this school semester, without having anything less than a C in any class. I have no delusions that Ill have the As I normally would, but I paid too much money and fought too hard to get back into school that I cant waste it now.
Is your goal something that you can't stop doing?
Im just trying to maintain tunnel vision, but thats easier said than done when I cant get out of bed.
Are you experiencing forms of creativity that are new or different to you?
What abilities do you notice you have?
Talk about your spirituality.
What are you doing with your time?
Can you wait to do something?
.
Do you have to act right now?
What are you telling yourself will happen if you don't act?
How fast are you driving?
How much money are you spending?
What's your desire for sex?
Are you thinking about death?
Are you thinking about hurting people?
I constantly
I just feel so much rage towards all but about 3 people, I fantasize about doing more than throwing a shoe.
Does anything interest you?
What are your emotions like?
Very unstable.
Are you able to control when and how you express your feelings?
No.
When you have an impulse to do or say something,
are you able to not act on it?
Are you feeling multiple emotions at once?
Are you feeling numb?
Are you feeling more sensitive than usual?
I dont know that Im more sensitive than usual, but I just
sob, which I dont really do. I normally only really cry when Im having a panic attack
. Lately I start sobbing randomly while driving (no music), music that never used to make me sob is now, I frequently have to get up from my desk at work because Ill just start sobbing at nothing at all, and in the middle of conversations, Ill just break down in tears.
Have you yelled at anyone and wondered how and why that happened?
Have you gotten in fights?
Do you cry uncontrollably?
Absolutely.
How are you treating the people you care about?
Im trying to get them to leave me the hell alone, to ignorer me.
Are you self-medicating?
No, for once Im trying really hard to maintain my medications.
Are you drinking more alcohol than usual?
No. I have about 3-4 drinks/week. But I want to. I want to be obliterated, to be so intoxicated on
. Almost anything that Im out for days. Maybe that will re-set my system.
How much alcohol are you drinking?
Are you taking any drugs that are excitatory?
Are you smoking marijuana?
Are you taking methamphedamines?
Do you feel in control?
The answers to these questions will make you aware of
vulnerability to an episode and help you identify when you are
having one.
This is to be used for individual purposes only. You must ask for permission for all other uses.
